You will have to handle an event, and in your handler, given a row and column, determine whether that row and column are in error or not.
A couple of events you could use for this include PrepareViewStyleInfo or Model.QueryCellInfo.
private void gridDataBoundGrid1_PrepareViewStyleInfo(object sender, GridPrepareViewStyleInfoEventArgs e)
{
if(e.ColIndex > 0 && e.RowIndex > 0)
{
if( e_RowIndex_and_e_ColIndex_in_error )
e.Style.BackColor = Color.Red;
}
}
You may have to do some extra work as your error provider does not expose a method that returns whether a particular row and column is in error, and this is teh information you need to use these events.