If you know the column name, colName, and the position in the CurrencyManager, recPosition, then try this code:
int field = this.gridDataBoundGrid1.Binder.NameToField(colName);
int rowIndex = this.gridDataBoundGrid1.Binder.ListManagerPositionToRowIndex(recPosition);
int rowOffSet;
int colIndex = this.gridDataBoundGrid1.Binder.GetHierarchyLevel(0).FieldToRowField(field, out rowOffSet);//.NameToColIndex("City"));
rowIndex += rowOffSet;
if(this.gridDataBoundGrid1.Binder.GetHierarchyLevel(0).RowCountPerRecord == 0)
colIndex += 1;
Console.WriteLine("col={0} row={1}", colIndex, rowIndex );